I had difficulty breathing...!

I had difficulty breathing. It is like that in old age. Can't say it is actually a difficulty in breathing. Just a kind of breathelessness when I think of my ten children whom I brought to this world and tendered and nurtured so dearly through poverty and lack of everything except a small house and a devoted husband.

They all grew up in the difficulties. At times it was lack of food, at times it was absence of immediarte necessities other than food. The house is going to fall! The well we used to draw water is going dry, needs cleaning and deepening! A son or daughter is seriously sick! Or I am about to deliv er my next child and there is no money to go to the hospital. When I think of all that, I have difficulty in breathing.

I delivered ten children in a matter of twenty six years. The first two were boys, the next two were girls. The first girl died of 'karappan' a kind of skin disease which breaks up the skin surface, mostly on the legs. The treatment for the same is by ayurvedic potions and oils suggested by the local vaidyas (who were the ayurvedic doctors of old and their medications were mostly effective in almost all cases but the unfortunate few, of course, could not pull it out). I bore six more children in the long run and they were all slowly coming up through thick and thin. As soon as my little boys were in school they also started helping me at home as much as they could.

But then, there were their youngsters to be looked after which made house hold work a real job of twenty four hours every day. No body ever called it a 24 x 7 job in those days. Every thing started from the very early morning with the early chatting of birds. But then, it had its own advantage and happiness. All were happy together...as every body shared what ever food and clothes available! And for the lack of any thing, we had the local church where Jesus was always ready to hear the caries of the poor. There were other deities who also pitched in in case of urgent and crucial needs when anyone specially called upon them! Church attendance and activities were mostly free for the poor which looked after a great burden which otherwise would have increased the difficulties.

Time passed with great speed in which the first two sons grew up fast to support the family with their small jobs and in time they got married to suitable girls and that was it. Once married, they were gone. Now the third child was lost to the little disease of 'karappan' and the rest seven and the father of the children and I remained to eek it out. The father of the children was a great family supporter and very strong at that. His confidence in life was unparalleled. He was a 'he man' according to his little kids. And he stood up for all of them. The fourth girl was at school with her scholarship which was the major main stay of the house. A tower of hope.

The little house we had needed yearly maintenance which was a great burden to all families. It was here the girl proved a boon by providing her scholarship money to get the house redone all the years. She was followed by six more children, four girls with two boys thrown in. The fifth girl was pulled out of school and sent to a tiles factgory to add to the family kitty as my eldest son fell badly sick needing extensive treatment. That was the end of her education. The scholarship girl went on to get a government job and she helped all the rest settle down in life and got all of them married too including hereself. I have difficulty in breathing as I am bed ridden now. Feeding all of them to grow big and loving them all through was an enjoyable work which was the relaxation and satisfaction of life.

The loving husband stood his ground all through in supporting the family asx much as he could and after his heroic job at that departed in good time, just faded away after a long term of work, working till his last day in llife and doing everything for the family and took leave of this world to a massive heart attack which could not be deciphered until after his death. That was common among the poor people of the earlier period as they all had first back pain, then chest pain, followed by pain in the shoulders and hands and again severe chest pain followed by death. No body ever checked what was the pain and it was considerd below decorum to say 'I feel pain' and true to his greatness, he never said it. Our children gave us their love throuogh and through and that made our lives worth. But as time went by and as the children grew into bigger people and acquired their own little families, their love, we doubted, started to be come slightly less, or less and less, which was a feeling which made us think, living in this world is almostg enough. Then was the time, the love of Jesus, St. Mary and Joseph, that loving Holy Family started giving me their love which was slowly replacing the love from my children. I am breathless now. I can't write too much now, but shall continue later.