A marriage in the family!!
I was studying in Class II in the Sisters' Convent School at that time. I should be around six or seven years old My brother also may be nine years old.
One day father told us that we go for a set of new dress. This was unusual! We always wore one or two set dresses which were washed by mother aga. in and again. When a new dress became absolutely necessary it needed many representations through mother to father after which we got a new set. Here, father was telling us to go for a new set of dresses when there was no such demand. In my little mind, I thought, there could be something the reason! Either father has got a raise in work or has started a new company or something!
I also found many of our relatives also coming and going and father and mother receiving them and there were avid talks and tea. Anyway, since it is a new dress, we went along and gave our measurements and father got new green silk cloth and entrusted the tailor master with the express request that we needed it in two days. Since the tailor master was well known to my father we got it as requested. When we were trying out that dress I asked mother what was the reason for the new dress. She informed me that our two eldest brothers were getting married. She asked me if I had not seen all these people coming and going these few days. That was for the fixation of the marriage and making arrangements for the ceremony itself.
There was a feeling in the air, that something good was going to happen. The two marriageable brothers, were our two eldest brothers and were our two heroes. One was tall and handsome with a small but regular job. The other brother, younger to him, was a super hero and knew all kinds of jobs but rarely stuck with one. But he always earned his bread at one job or the other and also helped us in times of need. He was a good master at whatever work he did but he could not go along if the Masters were bad. Anything not honourable was not accepted. He was a hero of sorts and had charming good looks and was easy to talk. They were aged twenty one and a half and twenty respectively.
Anyhow, the marriage was to take place on a Monday. The pandal was done up and covered with white cloth and ornamented. A table was set up for a gramophone box which was ordered. An immediate neighbours son, of the same age as our brother offered to operate the same. It was a nice box with a huge brass spitoon to spread the sound. There was a turn table with a central knob in steel. A black plate was put on it and a swaying handle with a pin was touched on the plate going in circles when wound by a handle on the side of the box. Song started to come out of it. "Kaathu sookshichoru kasthoori mampazham....." I still remember that song.
Now our eldest brother was to be married on a Monday and my second elder brother was getting married on the oncoming Wednesday. I have only vague inkling about the marriage ceremony in the church.But many things in the house are still clear. First, the house was done up. It was a small 23-16 kol measured house with chaayippus (chaayippus are side rooms) on both sides of the main hall. A tent or pandal was erected and those who came to erect it also fixedd some great white washed wooden nets and ornamented them with eenthapana leaves (a kind of ornamental leaf which can be said to be a bonsai type of the small palm leaves). All together everything enthused vitality and everybody was doing something or the other. We the children of the house, especially, the smaller ones including me were neglected among all this hurry worry.
We had a reclining wooden chair which we called the 'sheela kasera' . It had a sheet put to place with two small wooden rulers and I was reclining in this sheela kasera. I remember was it was evening. As I did not have any role in the whole drama, I reclined in the chair which was kept outside the pandal to save space inside. .This was in the outer courtyard. I faced the sky when I reclined in the chair. It was a wonderful sight in the sky. It was getting reddish and reddish as evening was slowly setting in.
I thought of myself in the green silk dress. I was thrilled from the time I got the new dress. Now all were inside the pandal and the house. I was alone in the outer courtyard The reddishness of the sky made me sad. I did not know why. The evening, especially, if it is silent and we looked at the sky it always made us morose. It had a smell of the end of everything or death. I don't know why I felt like that. In between I was shaken frfom my reverie by my Ilayamma who was the wife of my second Paternal Uncle. Ilayamma was an adept talker and good at holding any body in wonderfully happy talk. She said "What is being thought of in such extreme silence?" I liked the question. Not for the question, but that some one at least spoke to me. She wore the attire of the kerala christian women of those yesteryears, in which the upper side is a collarless top in white and lower side in beautiful arrangement of white long cloth which they made a tail also at the back. The peacock type tail hid thheir buttocks and back side, but when one looked at them from a distance it increased their beauty. If they went out they wore a milk white musline or super cotton cloth (this was called neriyathu in malayalam) which they put over their head and held both sides in their hands. In totallity those who saw them appreciated the elegant beauty. My ilayamma was not wearing the neriyathu at that time. I replied lazily "Onnulya" meaning nothing! Actually, I cannot tell them, that I was sad about the evening or the reddish sky in which the white clouds came breezing and changed colour and also changed shape. Some shapes were sweet and soothing, where as some were tricky, dangerous and diabolic. The sailed through and changed form again and slowly moved to the east into darkness. She slowly came near and have me two ari undas (this a sweet rice recipe, the rice power and jaggery mix is pressed into a ball) which is a very enthusing thing for her to do. Her sweetness was in that she mixed her talk with something sweet to eat which always enthused me. I liked eating all the time. Ilayamma told me to come inside and not get into deep thoughts at this little age, but be inside with others and join the mileu and there will be something for me to do as well as enjoy.
Once inside, I noticed the gramaphone again, the music had changed and now someother song was being played. Various relatives came and went at times spoke to our elders and the important people spoke to my father. One neighbourly gentleman in the age group of my eldest brother, who was also his friend was operating the gramophone. Various new dress were being shown to the relatives, mostly ladies, some of them commenting on them and some appreciating. The men spoke of the arrangements for the great feast which was to take place, some of them sipping tea and smoking, at times their foreheads twitching and at times looking up at the smoke they sent up in deep thought and arriving at decisions which they shared among themselves.
As night fell, more of the neighbours and our own relatives started arriving. One of them brought a gas light as there was no electric light in the house in those days and a wick lamp will not do in such occasions. Most of the houses used to get these kind of kerosene gas lights which had a present day bulb like structure below and a circular kerosene tank above with a hook on top which can be hung on a bar or something inside the tent. The bottom portion of this contraption I liked the most as all the light came to the place below, throwing the whole area into great light. This lifted my spirits. There was a second gas light, but this had its kerosene tank below, just like our hurricane lamp. Both had to be pumped for air which mixed with the kerosene and the spray went to the mantle filament of some rare cotton. The cotton filament came as a cloth net and this was tied on the tube end inside the bulb position and the nozzle of the lamp is opened a little to make it wet. Once wet, a match is struck and the buring flame is shown under the filament which burned initially with red flames and once the whole filament is burnt, the gas nozzle is turned to increase and decrease and again increase the kerosene spray to establish a very bright burning light.
Once the bright light is established, the gas light is suspended from a high bar or something. It gave great light for a few hours and then the light started diminishing due to lack of air pressure for the kerosene spray. The a youngster or a brave intelligent person is needed to take it down hang it at a convenient height, and pump the air in, without shaking the lamp. If the lamp is unduly shaken, the bright burning filament, which is an already burnt cotton net will fall of and one has to go for a new filament which will be really cumbersome at such occasions. Luckily, there was no dearth of youngsters at such occasions.
Many of the neighbours started with a number of vegetables and onions which they cleaned, pealed, cut in different shapes for various preparations the day next. A few of our relatives were cleaning chickens and other fish and meat items. Many coconuts were being cut and scraped. The smell of onions, green chillies, cocunuts, and assortment of vegetables filled the air. There were quite a good number of planten bunches which were brought in and hanged in an inner chaayippu (side room). Father was in his impeccable best, which dothi and shirt with paan in his mouth offering paan or murukkan to the elders around and asking them their opinion on various matters regarding the marriage, and asking them to make themselves comfortable. The two brothers were trying out their new dress for the next day morning ceremony of marriage. Both of them had a fresh hair cut and looked great in their white shirt and double mundu, which was the kalyana vastram (marriage dress). There was a new umbrella, which I was told for the varan to be taken out and also for the couple to return until they reached the motor car which was rented for the occasion.
We needed only one umbrella as the marriage were on different days. This was curved handled big umbrella, very costly for the time and was called a kaal koda or sheela koda, meaning it had a kaalu or leg (or sheela koda meaning an umbrella with black cloth). The importance of sheela koda is that at that point of time, ola kodas were also in use. The ola kodas were made of the leave of dried palm leaf spreads with a wooden leg. This was a symbol of Jemindari for centuries, but fell on bad days, when the foldable sheela kodas appeared. The convenience of the sheela kodas slowly made the high caste ola koda into an outcaste.
We had one or two of them at home and often times used this to go out when it rained or when we had to go shopping for daily needs. The ola kodas cannot be folded like the sheela kodas. This had to be kept at a place always open and hence took more space. When placed, it may also roll to any of the sides as it was circular in shape all through.
On the night before the marriage the the bridegroom, this time eldest brother, first hero and dressed up in the traditional white double dothi and a fitting white shirt and was seated on a chair in the centre of the pandal where all the family relatives had assembled. One of the elders took a plate with sugar in it and asked aloud "Checkanu madhuram kodukkatte?" All the relatives and their women fold made a loud "Haaa" to this and this repeated three times and at the third time the fold replied "Ha....madhuram kodutholu!" at which the sugar plate was shown to the bride groom and he majestically took three pinches of sugar or almost acted as if he was taking, and put it to his mouth. Once this is over the plate was handed back to some one standing behind and the holder of the sugar plate was given a Kindi (a water carrying brassware with a with a wide ornamental mouth and a side tube to pour out the water), from which the bridegroom was asked to take three times, mouthfuls of water and spit it into a spitoon which was also shown to him by another person. The moment it is over, the Kindi and spittoon is sent back and there come a towel for the groom to swipe his mouth.
With this the ceremony with the bridegroom for the evening is complete. A few more minutes the relatives sit around enquiring various matters connected to the marriage,
After this the relatives start offering various gifts to the groom for the marriage, in cash, in gold, at times in kind too. These are all taken down a register as these presents had to be returned to the givers family whenever there was a marriage in that indiividuals family.big d
After this, all present, including the neighbours who would be helping in the preparation for the big day lunch, for dinner. This time dinner is simple except, the elderly relatives and some of the neighbours disappeared for a while and came back to the pandal very happy and speaking in loud voices! Even those, who never opened their mouths or uttered anyting all through will be seen to be very happy, talking in loud tones, relating the other evening dinners where they had a good time and sometimes singing. A few of them ordered the volume of the song of the gramophone be increased which was readily agree to. The bridegroom was allowed to retire for the day.
After the dinner the the backside pandal (there was another small pandal where all the cutting, boiling, cooking etc. were being done) was vibrating with lot of cutting, cleaning and cooking by all the neighbours and relatives all the while talking among themselves in happy tones. The gas light kept on burning all through shedding a wonderful light in the pandals. Both pandals had their own gas lights. I got up from my sleep to see if the lights are burning alright, from time to time as I was very happy at the lights. And they did burn through to the morning next.
Early morning my brother was awakened for his ablutions and after that he was attired in the marriage dress, and taken out to the car. One of the persons accompanying the groom held the large umbrella. The car left for the Church. Quite a few of the people walked to the church through a short cut paadam -route. I was allowed a car ride in another big car in which upteen number of ladies and small children were packed. This was indeed a taxi car but they were not called taxis there in those days. All were equally honourable people and friends. One had a very private car which he brought to any public function service on demand and agreed upon a charge for the service. The car was not tampered with yellow paint or any such thing. The cars were few and far between and those who knew how to operate it was still less. This was light blue plymouth car as I remember.It had a smilling sister's face and very heavy doors. Its front lights, like eyes, stood at the end of special tubular cavities like the ones on which we see aeroplane propellers are mounted.
In the church when we reached, the function had already begun. There was a cute lady on the side of my brother and two silk cushions in red with designs on them were put in front of them. These were to kneel down when they had to according to the rules of the ceremony. When I reached the church father who was conducting the ceremony was reading out to my brother to be repeated after him " in sadness and happiness, in poverty and in wealth.....etc....that my brother was being made to repeat that he shall be with this lovely and cute lady all through both of their lives.
Altogether, I understood, that this is a life sentence, which my brother was undertaking so happily, all others looking at the couple with rejoicing eyes and feeling a high. After the sayings a gold thaali was brought out putting it on a black thread given to the priest, who blessed it and gave to the groom to be tied around the neck of the lady. The lady leaned her neck a little and my brother made the knot and that was done. Once this was over it was time for the puja or mass.
The bride and groom kneeled on the cushions and they looked so cute. The lade was darkish compared to my brother, but cute, she was. My brother was having a very soft countenance on his face even though on normal days kept a magestic mafe and spoke only when spoken to and always gave wise replies to any body who brought up any questions of local importance. He was always kind of leader-like. Today he was soft faced. I hope, you understand what I mean.
The mass over, the umbrella came out and when the bride and bridegroom was brought out of the church, the umbrella was help above them by one of the elders. They were slowly walked into the car! The other parttakers left through the short cut paadam route again and the rest of the ladies andwithout fail me too, left in the large, light blue coloured Plymouth car which gentleman at the wheel steered into our house with great expertise. The marriage ceremony, puja etc. are over and now is the time for a "Mangala Pathram" which is a general statement of all the well wishes printed in poetry, written by some local favourite poet, who was adept at writing such mangalams (Good wishes for long married life).
Time was becoming around 11 or 12 noon and people part-taking in all these had started to become rough and started to speak in slightly upped volumes. Those who became rough, were called to a side room by one of the elders very jovially, and once they went in and came out they were soft and happy and spoke lovingly to every one else. I knew, there was something the matter, in that room! Some of the well fitting guys who were not rough also went in and came out and when they came out some of them became slightly rough! We the children, were never called to that room!! At times, one of the elderly gentlemen was heard saying "send the children to the pandal for lunch, let the lunch start, children first, we are already getting late etc." You would have understood the scenario.
We were arranged to sit on matsand nice little pieces of green plantain leaves were put in front of us. Hot rice was brought in a 'new panambu thotti' (this is a bamboo handi craft vessel which was used for vrious purposes in a house hold, but when used for serving rice etc. it should be brand new bamboo craft) This was followed by many others serving curries such as fish, chicken and pork (this is a delicay in Kerala which is appreciated among many people). There were different kinds of fried plantain pieces with and without jaggery, all done in coconut oil. A plantain fruit, called poovanpazham each was also served. Drinking wsater was also given in glasses. As children, we simply had and enjoyed the meal, ate the pazham ( special type of costly banana), pocketed the cut banana recepies and got up to wash.
We did not much care if the elders ate or not or whatever they did. We knew none of them will be left out! Our concern was about ourselves first! When it came to these matters, I was a bit selfish, even in those too young days. Now I have a name for it "ideal selfishness" without which life becomes tricky and dangerous for any one.Even in that pandal I had noticed there were differential treatment to different people, especially, elders and the greats and good lookings and accomplisheds, but the only group which was generally left out were, we the children. Among all the multitude coming and assembling there, I vividly remembered only on of the Ilayammas had the kindness to speak to me and of course, she was very good to me, and by the Grace of God I could have a beautiful relationship with that Ilayappan and Ilayamma to their very ripe old age!! (Ilayappan is the husband of Ilayamma and Ilayamma is the wife of my father's younger brother, who used to run a Vaidyashala. A vaidyashala dispensed ayurvedic medicines for a fee and hence, he had a cash box of his own with wood, brass plated on the sides. It was an ornamental piece, which I liked through and through!!).
The people who really got pressed and crushed in this whole celebration was father and mother, mother especially, as she kept on at the kitchen fire, making one recepie or the other and if that was not enough, upteen number of times tea for all those who came and went every hour. But she never complained. Among doing all that, she used to do other works as well and still found time to keep an eye on us, children!! The two brothers getting married also did quite a lot of work themselves and all my elder sisters joined in all kinds of works connected to the celebration and feast. My immediate elder brother, who was just like me and in the same class as Class II like me(we were in the same class-for company's sake father had put us in the same class, which we enjoyed and did not know the beauty of it at that young age).and my two younger sisters were not in the working group.
After lunch, when other elders were eating, we the children moved out to another part of the pandal. This was the place, all those who have finished lunch and relaxed on steel chairs which were arranged for the invitees to relax. Such nice painted chairs came on rent and several numbers were brought at occasions in every house. I reclined in one of them to eat the cut banana flies which I had kept in my pocket. There were many of the invitees taking betal leaves with chunnambu (raw calcium) and adakka which made their mouths red. All these items were kept in a large plate and nearby was kept a brass chunnambu kutti (Calcium Holder in brass, with a small stick or stock put through its mouth. Every time one took it out there would be wet calcium on the stick and this can be swiped on the betel leaves which one intented to eat adding a few pieces of arecanut to it) Those who had daring and were well grown up also took a piece of pukayila (raw tobacco leaf) to chew with the 'murukkan' 'paan' (a mix of all the items I mentioned above). The pukayila in those days came from Jaffna in Ceylon and it went straight to the head of the chewer!
I was not used to or ever had the daring to look to the murukkan side in those days, small I was and even otherwise I did not understand the beauty of the stuff. Neither any of my near friends including my brother or younger sisters knew it. Father was adept at it and he at times ate it with elan! Whenever he called the elderly neighbours for discussion, murukkan was a must! But mother never ate murukkan, never drank, never took any kind of intoxicants. She only worked, worked and worked more still all the while looking after us, children and always having an eye on our welfare! She was great indeed!!
The fashionable ones smoked also, either beedis or cigarettes according to their position in life! I could not stand the smell of these in those days, and if the smell became too much, I vomited. So I moved away to the inside of the house.
There were two three elders in the family sitting near the table with these assortment of items with a register. Some of the invitees came and gave money to them in place of marriage gifts and these were noted with the name and address of the givers very carefully.
By the evening one marriage was over. Our dear Velliettan was married for life! We all liked the new young lady, a bit darkish, but very handsome. She spoke to all of us children very kindly and she had a way with children which we liked. We decided that she will be great company!
There was a sort of silence by the evening in that the gramophone had stopped singing due to a technical snag cropped up during the operation as some one not knowing the operation had tried to operate it. The gas lights had gone back. Most of the guests had left, except a few of the relatives who were elderly. There was my old granny also who had come for the marriage. She normally used to live with father's youngest brother. She was a very fair old lady but with lines of very hard work on her forehead! She was overseeing most of the goings on! Mother kept on bringing tea to her and everybody else who were elders. After that she kept on with other works without any complaint. In those days, it was like that. The lady of the house will be a work machine and she would have to work continuously! They never had to be paid any wages or special mention for that. In fact, if any mistakes occurred from her that was highlighted well and also reported in family circles. Mother never gave any room for this. The day passed!
The next day was Tuesday and arrangements had to be made for the next marriage of my second elder brother, just younger to the Velliettan. The gas lights appeared, raw food articles came to the small pandal where they were to be prepared and a lunch feast was to be repeated on Wednesday after the main ceremony of marriage. All the earlier marriage's preparations were repeated except for the gramophone which it was mentioned can't be made available as it could not be repaired immediately. In fact, we children were looking forward to listening to the songs in it.
Just before noon time, the marriage party arrived from the church in the two big cars as was done for the previous marriage. My second elder brother who was darkish in colour had a very fair lady, tall in stature near him and the umbrella was held by someone from behind as if to cover both of them. They slowly walked in with the entourage and others assembled and was received by mother ! The bride and groom were asked to stand on two wooden pedestals and some raw paddy was put on and at their feet and over which water was poured from a 'Kindi' which is a side tubed brass vessel. Once this was over, they were allowed into the house. This is a custom which was believed to bring prosperity into the house.
Once they went in, the bride is made to change her dress and was asked to drape the ceremonial sari given by the groom,called the 'Manthrakodi' along with matching blouse or top and come out with all the other bridal wear except the tiara or flowers worn in the head.Both husband and wife are seated and the 'Mangalapathram' is presented to them. This was done by the grooms friends mostly. After that the lunch feast proper began with we the children first! We repeated all the activities of the last marriage feast and left with the cut banana recipes! The marriages came to an end.
After a day or two, two brothers of my eldest brother's wife arrived to take back their sister home. They were duly received, niceties exchanged and asked for lunch. After a good lunch it was time to leave this time with the new young darkish lady and my eldest brother. My eldest sister-in-law, as I said was very kind. She asked us two little brothers to accompany them as she will be coming back in a couple of days. This was great news and surprising to both of us! But we did not know what father will say. So the matter was taken to father who looked at them quizzically and said "That all would be difficult for you people. Let them be here. Here what do they lack?" Sister in law said"That is right father. But let them see a new place. It will not be difficult for us at all' at which father relented. We were overjoyed.
Our first joy was that we can move out of the house. Second of course, is that we will be seeing a new place. True to her world, we were taken along with them.
We had a reclining wooden chair which we called the 'sheela kasera' . It had a sheet put to place with two small wooden rulers and I was reclining in this sheela kasera. I remember was it was evening. As I did not have any role in the whole drama, I reclined in the chair which was kept outside the pandal to save space inside. .This was in the outer courtyard. I faced the sky when I reclined in the chair. It was a wonderful sight in the sky. It was getting reddish and reddish as evening was slowly setting in.
I thought of myself in the green silk dress. I was thrilled from the time I got the new dress. Now all were inside the pandal and the house. I was alone in the outer courtyard The reddishness of the sky made me sad. I did not know why. The evening, especially, if it is silent and we looked at the sky it always made us morose. It had a smell of the end of everything or death. I don't know why I felt like that. In between I was shaken frfom my reverie by my Ilayamma who was the wife of my second Paternal Uncle. Ilayamma was an adept talker and good at holding any body in wonderfully happy talk. She said "What is being thought of in such extreme silence?" I liked the question. Not for the question, but that some one at least spoke to me. She wore the attire of the kerala christian women of those yesteryears, in which the upper side is a collarless top in white and lower side in beautiful arrangement of white long cloth which they made a tail also at the back. The peacock type tail hid thheir buttocks and back side, but when one looked at them from a distance it increased their beauty. If they went out they wore a milk white musline or super cotton cloth (this was called neriyathu in malayalam) which they put over their head and held both sides in their hands. In totallity those who saw them appreciated the elegant beauty. My ilayamma was not wearing the neriyathu at that time. I replied lazily "Onnulya" meaning nothing! Actually, I cannot tell them, that I was sad about the evening or the reddish sky in which the white clouds came breezing and changed colour and also changed shape. Some shapes were sweet and soothing, where as some were tricky, dangerous and diabolic. The sailed through and changed form again and slowly moved to the east into darkness. She slowly came near and have me two ari undas (this a sweet rice recipe, the rice power and jaggery mix is pressed into a ball) which is a very enthusing thing for her to do. Her sweetness was in that she mixed her talk with something sweet to eat which always enthused me. I liked eating all the time. Ilayamma told me to come inside and not get into deep thoughts at this little age, but be inside with others and join the mileu and there will be something for me to do as well as enjoy.
Once inside, I noticed the gramaphone again, the music had changed and now someother song was being played. Various relatives came and went at times spoke to our elders and the important people spoke to my father. One neighbourly gentleman in the age group of my eldest brother, who was also his friend was operating the gramophone. Various new dress were being shown to the relatives, mostly ladies, some of them commenting on them and some appreciating. The men spoke of the arrangements for the great feast which was to take place, some of them sipping tea and smoking, at times their foreheads twitching and at times looking up at the smoke they sent up in deep thought and arriving at decisions which they shared among themselves.
As night fell, more of the neighbours and our own relatives started arriving. One of them brought a gas light as there was no electric light in the house in those days and a wick lamp will not do in such occasions. Most of the houses used to get these kind of kerosene gas lights which had a present day bulb like structure below and a circular kerosene tank above with a hook on top which can be hung on a bar or something inside the tent. The bottom portion of this contraption I liked the most as all the light came to the place below, throwing the whole area into great light. This lifted my spirits. There was a second gas light, but this had its kerosene tank below, just like our hurricane lamp. Both had to be pumped for air which mixed with the kerosene and the spray went to the mantle filament of some rare cotton. The cotton filament came as a cloth net and this was tied on the tube end inside the bulb position and the nozzle of the lamp is opened a little to make it wet. Once wet, a match is struck and the buring flame is shown under the filament which burned initially with red flames and once the whole filament is burnt, the gas nozzle is turned to increase and decrease and again increase the kerosene spray to establish a very bright burning light.
Once the bright light is established, the gas light is suspended from a high bar or something. It gave great light for a few hours and then the light started diminishing due to lack of air pressure for the kerosene spray. The a youngster or a brave intelligent person is needed to take it down hang it at a convenient height, and pump the air in, without shaking the lamp. If the lamp is unduly shaken, the bright burning filament, which is an already burnt cotton net will fall of and one has to go for a new filament which will be really cumbersome at such occasions. Luckily, there was no dearth of youngsters at such occasions.
Many of the neighbours started with a number of vegetables and onions which they cleaned, pealed, cut in different shapes for various preparations the day next. A few of our relatives were cleaning chickens and other fish and meat items. Many coconuts were being cut and scraped. The smell of onions, green chillies, cocunuts, and assortment of vegetables filled the air. There were quite a good number of planten bunches which were brought in and hanged in an inner chaayippu (side room). Father was in his impeccable best, which dothi and shirt with paan in his mouth offering paan or murukkan to the elders around and asking them their opinion on various matters regarding the marriage, and asking them to make themselves comfortable. The two brothers were trying out their new dress for the next day morning ceremony of marriage. Both of them had a fresh hair cut and looked great in their white shirt and double mundu, which was the kalyana vastram (marriage dress). There was a new umbrella, which I was told for the varan to be taken out and also for the couple to return until they reached the motor car which was rented for the occasion.
We needed only one umbrella as the marriage were on different days. This was curved handled big umbrella, very costly for the time and was called a kaal koda or sheela koda, meaning it had a kaalu or leg (or sheela koda meaning an umbrella with black cloth). The importance of sheela koda is that at that point of time, ola kodas were also in use. The ola kodas were made of the leave of dried palm leaf spreads with a wooden leg. This was a symbol of Jemindari for centuries, but fell on bad days, when the foldable sheela kodas appeared. The convenience of the sheela kodas slowly made the high caste ola koda into an outcaste.
We had one or two of them at home and often times used this to go out when it rained or when we had to go shopping for daily needs. The ola kodas cannot be folded like the sheela kodas. This had to be kept at a place always open and hence took more space. When placed, it may also roll to any of the sides as it was circular in shape all through.
On the night before the marriage the the bridegroom, this time eldest brother, first hero and dressed up in the traditional white double dothi and a fitting white shirt and was seated on a chair in the centre of the pandal where all the family relatives had assembled. One of the elders took a plate with sugar in it and asked aloud "Checkanu madhuram kodukkatte?" All the relatives and their women fold made a loud "Haaa" to this and this repeated three times and at the third time the fold replied "Ha....madhuram kodutholu!" at which the sugar plate was shown to the bride groom and he majestically took three pinches of sugar or almost acted as if he was taking, and put it to his mouth. Once this is over the plate was handed back to some one standing behind and the holder of the sugar plate was given a Kindi (a water carrying brassware with a with a wide ornamental mouth and a side tube to pour out the water), from which the bridegroom was asked to take three times, mouthfuls of water and spit it into a spitoon which was also shown to him by another person. The moment it is over, the Kindi and spittoon is sent back and there come a towel for the groom to swipe his mouth.
With this the ceremony with the bridegroom for the evening is complete. A few more minutes the relatives sit around enquiring various matters connected to the marriage,
After this the relatives start offering various gifts to the groom for the marriage, in cash, in gold, at times in kind too. These are all taken down a register as these presents had to be returned to the givers family whenever there was a marriage in that indiividuals family.big d
After this, all present, including the neighbours who would be helping in the preparation for the big day lunch, for dinner. This time dinner is simple except, the elderly relatives and some of the neighbours disappeared for a while and came back to the pandal very happy and speaking in loud voices! Even those, who never opened their mouths or uttered anyting all through will be seen to be very happy, talking in loud tones, relating the other evening dinners where they had a good time and sometimes singing. A few of them ordered the volume of the song of the gramophone be increased which was readily agree to. The bridegroom was allowed to retire for the day.
After the dinner the the backside pandal (there was another small pandal where all the cutting, boiling, cooking etc. were being done) was vibrating with lot of cutting, cleaning and cooking by all the neighbours and relatives all the while talking among themselves in happy tones. The gas light kept on burning all through shedding a wonderful light in the pandals. Both pandals had their own gas lights. I got up from my sleep to see if the lights are burning alright, from time to time as I was very happy at the lights. And they did burn through to the morning next.
Early morning my brother was awakened for his ablutions and after that he was attired in the marriage dress, and taken out to the car. One of the persons accompanying the groom held the large umbrella. The car left for the Church. Quite a few of the people walked to the church through a short cut paadam -route. I was allowed a car ride in another big car in which upteen number of ladies and small children were packed. This was indeed a taxi car but they were not called taxis there in those days. All were equally honourable people and friends. One had a very private car which he brought to any public function service on demand and agreed upon a charge for the service. The car was not tampered with yellow paint or any such thing. The cars were few and far between and those who knew how to operate it was still less. This was light blue plymouth car as I remember.It had a smilling sister's face and very heavy doors. Its front lights, like eyes, stood at the end of special tubular cavities like the ones on which we see aeroplane propellers are mounted.
In the church when we reached, the function had already begun. There was a cute lady on the side of my brother and two silk cushions in red with designs on them were put in front of them. These were to kneel down when they had to according to the rules of the ceremony. When I reached the church father who was conducting the ceremony was reading out to my brother to be repeated after him " in sadness and happiness, in poverty and in wealth.....etc....that my brother was being made to repeat that he shall be with this lovely and cute lady all through both of their lives.
Altogether, I understood, that this is a life sentence, which my brother was undertaking so happily, all others looking at the couple with rejoicing eyes and feeling a high. After the sayings a gold thaali was brought out putting it on a black thread given to the priest, who blessed it and gave to the groom to be tied around the neck of the lady. The lady leaned her neck a little and my brother made the knot and that was done. Once this was over it was time for the puja or mass.
The bride and groom kneeled on the cushions and they looked so cute. The lade was darkish compared to my brother, but cute, she was. My brother was having a very soft countenance on his face even though on normal days kept a magestic mafe and spoke only when spoken to and always gave wise replies to any body who brought up any questions of local importance. He was always kind of leader-like. Today he was soft faced. I hope, you understand what I mean.
The mass over, the umbrella came out and when the bride and bridegroom was brought out of the church, the umbrella was help above them by one of the elders. They were slowly walked into the car! The other parttakers left through the short cut paadam route again and the rest of the ladies andwithout fail me too, left in the large, light blue coloured Plymouth car which gentleman at the wheel steered into our house with great expertise. The marriage ceremony, puja etc. are over and now is the time for a "Mangala Pathram" which is a general statement of all the well wishes printed in poetry, written by some local favourite poet, who was adept at writing such mangalams (Good wishes for long married life).
Time was becoming around 11 or 12 noon and people part-taking in all these had started to become rough and started to speak in slightly upped volumes. Those who became rough, were called to a side room by one of the elders very jovially, and once they went in and came out they were soft and happy and spoke lovingly to every one else. I knew, there was something the matter, in that room! Some of the well fitting guys who were not rough also went in and came out and when they came out some of them became slightly rough! We the children, were never called to that room!! At times, one of the elderly gentlemen was heard saying "send the children to the pandal for lunch, let the lunch start, children first, we are already getting late etc." You would have understood the scenario.
We were arranged to sit on matsand nice little pieces of green plantain leaves were put in front of us. Hot rice was brought in a 'new panambu thotti' (this is a bamboo handi craft vessel which was used for vrious purposes in a house hold, but when used for serving rice etc. it should be brand new bamboo craft) This was followed by many others serving curries such as fish, chicken and pork (this is a delicay in Kerala which is appreciated among many people). There were different kinds of fried plantain pieces with and without jaggery, all done in coconut oil. A plantain fruit, called poovanpazham each was also served. Drinking wsater was also given in glasses. As children, we simply had and enjoyed the meal, ate the pazham ( special type of costly banana), pocketed the cut banana recepies and got up to wash.
We did not much care if the elders ate or not or whatever they did. We knew none of them will be left out! Our concern was about ourselves first! When it came to these matters, I was a bit selfish, even in those too young days. Now I have a name for it "ideal selfishness" without which life becomes tricky and dangerous for any one.Even in that pandal I had noticed there were differential treatment to different people, especially, elders and the greats and good lookings and accomplisheds, but the only group which was generally left out were, we the children. Among all the multitude coming and assembling there, I vividly remembered only on of the Ilayammas had the kindness to speak to me and of course, she was very good to me, and by the Grace of God I could have a beautiful relationship with that Ilayappan and Ilayamma to their very ripe old age!! (Ilayappan is the husband of Ilayamma and Ilayamma is the wife of my father's younger brother, who used to run a Vaidyashala. A vaidyashala dispensed ayurvedic medicines for a fee and hence, he had a cash box of his own with wood, brass plated on the sides. It was an ornamental piece, which I liked through and through!!).
The people who really got pressed and crushed in this whole celebration was father and mother, mother especially, as she kept on at the kitchen fire, making one recepie or the other and if that was not enough, upteen number of times tea for all those who came and went every hour. But she never complained. Among doing all that, she used to do other works as well and still found time to keep an eye on us, children!! The two brothers getting married also did quite a lot of work themselves and all my elder sisters joined in all kinds of works connected to the celebration and feast. My immediate elder brother, who was just like me and in the same class as Class II like me(we were in the same class-for company's sake father had put us in the same class, which we enjoyed and did not know the beauty of it at that young age).and my two younger sisters were not in the working group.
After lunch, when other elders were eating, we the children moved out to another part of the pandal. This was the place, all those who have finished lunch and relaxed on steel chairs which were arranged for the invitees to relax. Such nice painted chairs came on rent and several numbers were brought at occasions in every house. I reclined in one of them to eat the cut banana flies which I had kept in my pocket. There were many of the invitees taking betal leaves with chunnambu (raw calcium) and adakka which made their mouths red. All these items were kept in a large plate and nearby was kept a brass chunnambu kutti (Calcium Holder in brass, with a small stick or stock put through its mouth. Every time one took it out there would be wet calcium on the stick and this can be swiped on the betel leaves which one intented to eat adding a few pieces of arecanut to it) Those who had daring and were well grown up also took a piece of pukayila (raw tobacco leaf) to chew with the 'murukkan' 'paan' (a mix of all the items I mentioned above). The pukayila in those days came from Jaffna in Ceylon and it went straight to the head of the chewer!
I was not used to or ever had the daring to look to the murukkan side in those days, small I was and even otherwise I did not understand the beauty of the stuff. Neither any of my near friends including my brother or younger sisters knew it. Father was adept at it and he at times ate it with elan! Whenever he called the elderly neighbours for discussion, murukkan was a must! But mother never ate murukkan, never drank, never took any kind of intoxicants. She only worked, worked and worked more still all the while looking after us, children and always having an eye on our welfare! She was great indeed!!
The fashionable ones smoked also, either beedis or cigarettes according to their position in life! I could not stand the smell of these in those days, and if the smell became too much, I vomited. So I moved away to the inside of the house.
There were two three elders in the family sitting near the table with these assortment of items with a register. Some of the invitees came and gave money to them in place of marriage gifts and these were noted with the name and address of the givers very carefully.
By the evening one marriage was over. Our dear Velliettan was married for life! We all liked the new young lady, a bit darkish, but very handsome. She spoke to all of us children very kindly and she had a way with children which we liked. We decided that she will be great company!
There was a sort of silence by the evening in that the gramophone had stopped singing due to a technical snag cropped up during the operation as some one not knowing the operation had tried to operate it. The gas lights had gone back. Most of the guests had left, except a few of the relatives who were elderly. There was my old granny also who had come for the marriage. She normally used to live with father's youngest brother. She was a very fair old lady but with lines of very hard work on her forehead! She was overseeing most of the goings on! Mother kept on bringing tea to her and everybody else who were elders. After that she kept on with other works without any complaint. In those days, it was like that. The lady of the house will be a work machine and she would have to work continuously! They never had to be paid any wages or special mention for that. In fact, if any mistakes occurred from her that was highlighted well and also reported in family circles. Mother never gave any room for this. The day passed!
The next day was Tuesday and arrangements had to be made for the next marriage of my second elder brother, just younger to the Velliettan. The gas lights appeared, raw food articles came to the small pandal where they were to be prepared and a lunch feast was to be repeated on Wednesday after the main ceremony of marriage. All the earlier marriage's preparations were repeated except for the gramophone which it was mentioned can't be made available as it could not be repaired immediately. In fact, we children were looking forward to listening to the songs in it.
Just before noon time, the marriage party arrived from the church in the two big cars as was done for the previous marriage. My second elder brother who was darkish in colour had a very fair lady, tall in stature near him and the umbrella was held by someone from behind as if to cover both of them. They slowly walked in with the entourage and others assembled and was received by mother ! The bride and groom were asked to stand on two wooden pedestals and some raw paddy was put on and at their feet and over which water was poured from a 'Kindi' which is a side tubed brass vessel. Once this was over, they were allowed into the house. This is a custom which was believed to bring prosperity into the house.
Once they went in, the bride is made to change her dress and was asked to drape the ceremonial sari given by the groom,called the 'Manthrakodi' along with matching blouse or top and come out with all the other bridal wear except the tiara or flowers worn in the head.Both husband and wife are seated and the 'Mangalapathram' is presented to them. This was done by the grooms friends mostly. After that the lunch feast proper began with we the children first! We repeated all the activities of the last marriage feast and left with the cut banana recipes! The marriages came to an end.
After a day or two, two brothers of my eldest brother's wife arrived to take back their sister home. They were duly received, niceties exchanged and asked for lunch. After a good lunch it was time to leave this time with the new young darkish lady and my eldest brother. My eldest sister-in-law, as I said was very kind. She asked us two little brothers to accompany them as she will be coming back in a couple of days. This was great news and surprising to both of us! But we did not know what father will say. So the matter was taken to father who looked at them quizzically and said "That all would be difficult for you people. Let them be here. Here what do they lack?" Sister in law said"That is right father. But let them see a new place. It will not be difficult for us at all' at which father relented. We were overjoyed.
Our first joy was that we can move out of the house. Second of course, is that we will be seeing a new place. True to her world, we were taken along with them.
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